My mom told me today that death has its own smell. The first time she smelled death was when she visited her friend’s sick mother. There was this smell hanging in the air, but just like anyone, she wouldn’t have known that that smell was death’s. She (the sick lady) died shortly.
The second time was when she was standing next/near to the policeman who was working in her department and this man had hypertension. A couple of weeks later he died from stroke.
The third time was with my dad. One time she was bathing my dad because he was sick and she smelled it. It was there, but I guess the smell was ‘thin’, she said. Also, she wasn’t so sure and was in denial.
It kind of spooked me when she talked about it.
We were at the clinic today because she wasn’t feeling so well. We were just sitting down when she suddenly asked me if I had smelled death before. And she asked me if I knew what death smell like, if I could tell if it was.
I told her that I probably had but I guess I’m already too used to it by now.
My mom vomited this afternoon. She was giddy and nauseated the whole day and she vomited as well. What’s worrying me a lot is the chest pains she’s been having on and off. I think she might have broken her heart when my dad passed.
Tapi memanglah salah aku. Asyik-asyik je main handphone.
Tapi yang tak bestnya, di-lecture bertubi-tubi tanpa henti dan perkara yang sama diulang berkali-kali.
Rasa nak pecah dada menahan perasaan.
Taulah aku memang aku yang salah. Memang pun salah aku.
Dah berapa kali aku buat masa kau bercakap tapi aku repeat lagi.
Aku pun tak tau nak buat apa dah.
Tapi aku geram, tertekan betul perasaan aku setiap kali kau buat camtu.
Yelah, macamlah perasaan kau tak tertekan bila aku buat kau camtu juga kan.
So, fair and square lah kan.
Tapi, aku tak taulah.
Aku rasa macam didera dari segi emosi pulak bila setiap kali kau buat aku camtu.
Dan bila aku meluah secara anonymous apa yang berlaku antara kita dulu, orang lain kata, apa yang kau buat adalah penderaan dari segi emosi…. Kau cuba bunuh diri bila aku nak tinggalkan kau time tu.
Tapi, tu perkara lain.
Yang main handphone lain.
Tapi yang pelik, perasaannya sama je.
I think these days I’ve been pretty bitchy because I hate everything and everyone.
If you’re reading this, well let me tell you this; I don’t discriminate, so I hate you too.
Thank you for another beautiful morning, Lord.
So you would rather I pretend?
And that joke.
It wasn’t funny.
I don’t get yours.
You don’t get mine.
Birds of a feather flock together. Well, I’m glad I’m not a chicken.
I’m a phoenix.