i think i may be crazy but… no buts.
idk what else to say about this. it’s always back to this. over and over again. it’s as if we’re a video put on loop.
i’ve always felt that the problem is with me. but then again, is it wrong to feel unappreciated unappreciated especially by the person that you love?
so the root problem is - get this - unappreciated.
the problem that came with it is that i keep feeling it over and over again… until i felt that i had to do something about it to make you realize.
and i did, but you still didn’t.
and things just got messed up. again? holy crap i am a professional at messing things up. i guess so…. or i guess not. take your pick, whatever you want to think of me - maybe i don’t really care anymore; or at least try not to care - i seriously do not know how many times i’ve said this and i still cared. the eff.
fight after fight after fight - it’s always the same. idk why but you always end up the victim - i guess that’s because i am a lioness or something. i am the predator, you’re the prey… when i actually did not intend for you to be one?
I REALLY DON’T KNOW.
i seriously do not want to think badly about you. i did not…. but playing that ‘victim card’ over and over again - i hate to say this but - it’s getting old, and i’m sick of it.
i’m sick of hearing explanations from you when i already get it - i get it when you explain to me that sometimes, you just don’t notice or are just too busy with stuff and all that… or that you didn’t know that it’s such a big deal for me (i mean after all, they’re just posts on your facebook wall, right? no big deal, man. SO WHAT’S THE DEAL?)
well, the deal is, no matter how small a deal it is, it makes me feel unappreciated.
it takes a lot for me to post personal words on such a public scale like that - just to make you feel better; only to feel ignored and invisible by someone you love.
the next problem is when i’m done being mad and i just sit there and listen to your explanations that are put on replay - sometimes i really wonder how you do that. don’t you ever get tired of saying the same things over and over again? because i do.
the fact is, i can accept your explanations, whatever they may be. i am rational. i have a brain. i can think even though i may be more affected by my emotions because i am a girl… the thing is, even after you have explained, i may still feel not nice because;
1. i felt unappreciated
2. we fought
so what do you usually do? you go on and on explaining stuff again and again. what is this? i didn’t put you on replay?
i need comforting. i need tact - i’ve listened enough, i can’t go on listening to the same things over and over again. i’m not dumb. i have a brain. i understand. how long have you known me anyway?
is it too much to ask? comforting… persuading…
maybe it is. because you’re feeling so terrible yourself. there’s not a day when you do not feel terrible.
i just wish that you could look at the brighter side of things. *sigh* i am so tired. SO TIRED.
i am your girlfriend, dude. i ain’t your mama. i can’t believe i’m saying this right now.
i know you have it bad there but you still have so many things going right for you right now - if you could just see how good things are for you right now. you have a family to come back to when you finish your exams.
you’re taking a degree, for fuck’s sake. i don’t even get to study up to degree. and you’re done with assignments and stuff. you’re no longer the class rep - that’s a relief. you have friends. you have me.
i’m so tired. i don’t want to say anything me. this is all driving me crazy.
this is all my fault anyway. maybe we really are no good for each other. i need a man, not a boy. i should have never fallen for you.