be nice to everyone; but be wary too.

My mom told me today that death has its own smell. The first time she smelled death was when she visited her friend’s sick mother. There was this smell hanging in the air, but just like anyone, she wouldn’t have known that that smell was death’s. She died shortly.

The second time was when she was standing next/near to the policeman who was working in her department and this man had hypertension. A couple of weeks later he died from stroke.

The third time was with my dad. One time she was bathing my dad because he was sick and she smelled it. It was there, but I guess the smell was ‘thin’, she said. Also, she wasn’t so sure and in denial.

It kind of spooked me when she talked about it.

We were at the clinic today because she wasn’t feeling so well. We were just sitting down when she suddenly asked me if I had smelled death before. And she asked me if I knew what death smell like, if I could tell if it was.

I told her that I probably had but I guess I’m already too used to it by now.

My mom vomited this afternoon. She was giddy and nauseated the whole day and she vomited as well. What’s worrying me a lot is the chest pains she’s been having on and off. I think she might have broken her heart when my dad passed.

Sakit hati.

Tapi memanglah salah aku. Asyik-asyik je main handphone.

Tapi yang tak bestnya, di-lecture bertubi-tubi tanpa henti dan perkara yang sama diulang berkali-kali.

Rasa nak pecah dada menahan perasaan.

Taulah aku memang aku yang salah. Memang pun salah aku.

Dah berapa kali aku buat masa kau bercakap tapi aku repeat lagi.

Aku pun tak tau nak buat apa dah.

Tapi aku geram, tertekan betul perasaan aku setiap kali kau buat camtu.

Yelah, macamlah perasaan kau tak tertekan bila aku buat kau camtu juga kan.

So, fair and square lah kan.

Tapi, aku tak taulah.

Aku rasa macam didera dari segi emosi pulak bila setiap kali kau buat aku camtu.

Dan bila aku meluah secara anonymous apa yang berlaku antara kita dulu, orang lain kata, apa yang kau buat adalah penderaan dari segi emosi…. Kau cuba bunuh diri bila aku nak tinggalkan kau time tu.

Tapi, tu perkara lain.

Yang main handphone lain.

Tapi yang pelik, perasaannya sama je.

This is me. After 987654321 takes.
The pimples are dying.

I think these days I’ve been pretty bitchy because I hate everything and everyone.

If you’re reading this, well let me tell you this; I don’t discriminate, so I hate you too.

Thank you for another beautiful morning, Lord.

So you would rather I pretend?

And that joke.
It wasn’t funny.

I don’t get yours.
You don’t get mine.

How funny.

Birds of a feather flock together. Well, I’m glad I’m not a chicken.

I’m a phoenix.

Oh yeah.

I need to start working on my dreams. I need to build them wings.

Goodbye. Selamat tinggal. Zai Jian. 
I wish I don’t have to cross paths with you again but that’s just impossible.

For now, at least. 


Sakit hatiku akan berkurangan. Amin!
The Toothbrush To The Bicycle Tire - Sarah Kay, No Matter The Wreckage
Love Poem #137 - Sarah Kay, No Matter The Wreckage

Ron’s back! 😆😆😆

Yesterday, actually (I say yesterday because it’s already after 12 now). Around 6 pm, I fetched him from the airport back to his home.

Met his lovable parents and youngest sister who made a fuss about going for tuition - she was reluctant to go, haha. Her excuse was, “Abang is back today. We should celebrate…” hahahahahaha 😁

I had to go back early because it was pretty late and was really dark. Besides, it was a long way home from his house. How I wish I could just stay with him, by his side. 😞

So I went out and bought chicken thighs and this double chocolate cake mix. Hahahaha… I cut the chicken thighs up and marinated them. I plan on baking the cake in the morning. I hope I can wake up early tomorrow. 😙

Just want to give him a surprise. Well, he was pretty disappointed that I was busy and couldn’t call him. So, he went to bed first. Awwwww….

I hope he’ll cheer up when I see him again later. 😊😊😊

1. I didn’t change. I was always here for you.
2. Don’t go all Christian-y on me now.
3. Have you ever wondered why it happened before and why it’s happening now? Twice now, my friend. Twice.

Chung Huong decided that she didn’t like you anymore a long time ago. Now, well, I guess I’m still deciding… But it does seem like I dislike you a lot now.

Have you ever wondered why?

It’s okay. Mengadu dombalah kau sia. It’s all you ever know how to do anyway kan? Who wouldn’t pity you, you sweet innocent thing? You’re always the victim anyway.

It’s okay, babe.

I can do better. I’ll never be the victim.

I want to be bigger. I just want to let this go. Time will heal this pain, this anger will fade and one day, I will be unaffected. And on that day, I’ll forgive you wholly and sincerely.

I love me and my life too much to get fucked by you and your shit.