I feel uncertain…
I have conflicting thoughts… and I don’t know what to do about them. And at work I did somekind of mistake I just wish I could bail out of my own life.. which is impossible even though I really hate my own job.

OMG how long for freedom! When will freedom be near? When will my deliverance come. How I long for a miracle to happen!

Someone once asked me… if I had a lot of money to spare… and it isn’t mine and I don’t have to pay it back.. what would I do? Well, I told her I would quit my job and pay the government RM 110, 000 according to the contract.

Sigh* alas, it isn’t something that would really happen. Hahaha. What a joke. Life is such a joke. But it’s a joke that I don’t get. Maybe we’re made to be somekind of joke, to be laughed at by the gods.

This isn’t what I wanted.
This was never what I dreamed of.